A Round Up of Life Lately
Violent vomiting, daily rituals, plus some offers you might not know about.
It only just occurred to me this morning that I’m in the last few months of my 40s. I have 101 days left of being 49.
I’ve long-since held a vision that I’d ring in 50 with a big celebration meticulously planned well in advance. I’ve always been organized. Ready. Prepared. But then perimenopause (and possibly a brain tumor) shifted things considerably.
I find myself less organized these days. Not because I’ve lost the capability to assemble my life in some kind of order, more that I’m not as regimented. Or perhaps I just procrastinate more. Midlife can be such a strange and curious experience. In some ways I know myself more intimately than ever, and in other ways I find myself constantly surprised by how different my body and mind are these past few years.
For the most part, I’m letting go of expectations of what my life “should” look like now. Or, at least trying to. It’s tempting to linger in a space where I wistfully wish for what once was, but it’s not a healthy or helpful place to dwell in, and I want to be present to what IS.
What’s true lately is that nausea continues to weave its way in and out of my days, a stubborn side-effect of the hemangioblastoma removed from my brain over two years ago. I’m usually able to manage it with food or focusing on breath work, but a couple of weeks ago it got the better of me and I found myself violently vomiting all over our car port.
What’s true lately is that gratitude continues to be at the forefront of each of my days. I’m often amazed at how much I used to take for granted in my younger years. Clean water. Nourishing food. Shelter. People who love me. Community. Nature. The way the sunrise streaks the sky outside my bedroom window. All of it is sustenance and it’s been one of the most remarkable gifts that has come with aging that I’m able to recognize and appreciate this now.
What’s true lately is that sciatic pain radiates through my left leg, keeping me awake at night, making it impossible to sleep in more than one position. I recently realized that I’ve been living with this pain, on and off, for the last six years. When it first hit in 2018 I tried everything. Physical therapy. Chiropractor. Massage. Acupuncture. Intermittent fasting and dietary changes to reduce inflammation. TENS machine therapy. Yoga. Walking. A standing desk.
I drew the line at the Vicodin that was prescribed to me but I did eventually opt for a series of cortisone shots and they helped with the worst of it. Moving house seems to have flared things up and after a few months of half-heartedly addressing the pain in the hope that it would simply go away, I have an appointment with an orthopedic spine doctor in a couple of weeks.
What’s true lately is that I am finding such joy in my daily rituals. I’ve started breaking my fast by drinking bone broth and, whenever I’m at home, I sit at the little meditation space I’ve created, without the distraction of my phone, and savor every mouthful of the broth. It feels amazing to be so intentional. So present. So engaged in the experience of nourishing myself in this way. I have other rituals dotted in and around the day. All of them small acts that hold great significance to me.
And through it all I’m committed to the work of helping other women feel better about the aging process. Of disrupting a culture of anti-aging. Of redefining beauty standards and dismantling ageism.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve shared anything offers and tidbits with you, and I’d like to do that today. Some are free and some are paid. All of them are from my heart and I hope that they’ll be of value to you.
First up is my pro-aging program, Visible. It’s designed to help you ditch the shame about aging and embrace midlife as your most powerful chapter yet. It’s the midlife roadmap I was looking for but couldn’t find, so I created it.
Visible is available in either video or audio format (the latter is exclusively on Insight Timer) and I’m thrilled with the reviews.
"Day 5 was so helpful. I cried many cathartic tears. I have not found any form of therapy or any therapist as useful as this since 1995. THANK YOU!" - Willa
“A wonderful exploration into the reasons midlife women feel so invisible. Great daily practices at the end of each module.” - Patricia
“A highly informative course! Lots of science backed information, and perspectives that I'd never considered before.” Angela
“Wow. The guided meditation visualization was so powerful and moving. My eyes were streaming! Thank you. I came away with a deep sense of peace.” - Amanda
The video version is available to take via my website and I have it set up so that you can move through each of the 8 modules at your own pace. You’ll also get PDF sheets with journal prompts with this version.
The audio version is exclusively on Insight Timer and great for those who prefer to listen. It’s a slightly abridged version and doesn’t come with the PDF prompts but you will get a daily practice at the end of each session. Please do engage with me in the classroom if you opt for this version! I love hearing from you and building community. Note: If you are a Member Plus subscriber on Insight Timer then this is included in your membership!
Next, a few reels that you might enjoy over on Instagram. In this one I’m calling in Sephora for the disparity in what their website says (that they’re daring to change the way the world sees beauty) versus what their shelves are stocked with (anti-aging products that frame aging as a problem to fix.)
In this one I’m sharing what hormone therapy has done for me so far, and the importance of advocating for ourselves. I can’t stress this enough. (Remember, I’m the woman who was repeatedly diagnosed with vertigo when I had a brain tumor). Please do your research and use your voice, especially when it comes to medical matters. Your (quality of) life may well depend on it.
I loved being part of this campaign put together by Agesism Is Never in Style to Remove Anti from Aging. Many brands may not use the phrase “anti-aging” but they’re certainly pushing the same tired old agenda. We’re over it.
Lastly, for anyone who doesn’t know, I did a year long photographic diary in 2020 to document my days as a peri-menopausal woman in the world who felt as though she was fading as she aged. Influencer culture had burst onto the scene and I wanted to scream at all the social media posts that felt empty and soulless.
To put it bluntly, I was tired of all that shit. I wanted to see women tell the truth about their lives. I wanted authenticity. Something I could truly connect with.
There’s a quote I adore by Muriel Rukeyser: “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”
I decided to tell the truth about my life. I started a separate account on Instagram and I shared my victories, losses, inspirations and frustrations along with raw daily images. I was honest about my fluctuating hormones and my aging body. I had a following of around 200 people for the entire year. Sometimes I wondered what the point was. Who was even paying attention? But I kept going.
My little diary, A Woman in the World, is now featured in the National Women’s History Museum as part of their Women Writing History project. I am so proud of it because, like all of my work, it’s got my truth embedded into every word. I’m toying with the idea of reviving it, or starting something similar for my 50th year. We’ll see…
There’s more about the project here if you’d like to take a look.
Thank you for permitting me to share with you here. For making space for me in your crowded inbox and for supporting my work however you’re able. It makes such a difference to my heart.
With love and gratitude always,
Skylar
Congratulations on "A Woman in the World" in the National Women’s History Museum. The work looks beautiful. Hoping the nausea and pain eases soon for you. To live with chronic pain is so challenging and something I resonate with--I was just so glad to see you back in my inbox :)
I love reading your writing Skylar. You have a gift. To me, sharing your honest experiences gives us space to reflect on ourselves also. Taking time to sip bone broth - alone and focused, your health journey, the sciatica, the anti-aging messages we are bombarded with - menopause. How many of us will read this and understand? So many. I’ve listened to you on insight timer. I hope others do too. Just fantastic.