Whenever I read those questions I want to scream “Have you seen this world? Who doesn’t feel that way?” But I don’t scream and I check the box that says “No”.
Yes, so much yes. My moods/energy/creative output are directly related to the seasons. My inner weather matches the actual weather. All animals are naturally like this, we human animals just have learned to override it. Late winter/not yet spring is indeed as Kris said, a liminal state. I always feel a nagging of "okay, hibernation over, wake up and DO" at this time of year and then look outside at the still slumbering landscape and feel reassured that my lack of motivation echoes the natural state of my environment. Some plants are starting to bud and slowly, slowly wake up, but nothing is DOING anything showy yet, it's all very dreamy and unseen. I use this time for beauty seeking & inspiration seeding, devour books, walks, good shows, podcasts, etc.
And yeah, the gratitude and joy mixed with the despair for the world. Same, same.
PS - you just moved. It doesn't matter how happy you were/are about it. Moving is hard, change is hard, establishing new routines (even if you look forward to and love them) is work. I always struggle with re-rooting myself after a move, no matter how much I wanted it. Isn't it considered one of the top causes of situational depression?
The more I think about the more I think it's wild that we have overridden what is so natural for us. Thank you for the reminder that the still slumbering landscape (beautiful description!) is a great guide. Capitalism has convinced us that we're failing if we're not constantly producing but nature tells a different story. Love what you shared about the dreamy and unseen of it all. Yes! And I appreciate your words about re-rooting. This makes so much sense.
Reading this, I was nodding my head so hard it’s a wonder I don’t have whiplash. There’s a word that I have been pondering for the last 7 months of my unemployment: liminal. We’re in the between space. Not enough and yet not nothing. Seeing and hearing and feeling, and yet, what can be done? Talk a walk, take a bath, ponder, wait for the spark. We’re so conditioned to the expectations of DO MORE THINGS ALL THE TIME that being in the liminal space feels wrong and less than.
I, too, am often too comfortable in my own company. But I’m not sure that that’s as much of a problem as we’ve been led to believe.
It’s so hard to unlearn our conditioning, and the change in hormones is the indicator that society is not built for us - seasons and cycles are how life actually works, not constant do do do produce.
Are you depressed? Probably. So am I. Why WOULDN’T we be depressed. Looking around is horrifying at times. And yet, we still find the magic and the gratitude for what is and where we are.
We contain multitudes. What you’ve written seems perfectly normal to me. Hugs from an internet friend!
Liminal. Ahhh, yes. That's it. You're so right about how uncomfortable we are in the between space. We've conditioned ourselves out of what is natural, and necessary. You have articulated the experience beautifully. Thank you, Kris. Truly. Hugs back to you.
This is all so relatable and understandable. "I think our hearts are supposed to shatter every now and again because that’s what keeps us human." Yes! I think you are right, Skylar. There is so much to worry about and feel helpless and hopeless about, while there is also so much to feel grateful for and feel joy over. One can only take so much. I had to stop watching a series on Netflix during the middle of the second to last episode because I knew something bad was going to happen and my heart couldn't take it. It's just a fictional show, not real people, but I can't stop thinking about it. I keep asking myself "why can't life just be good? why can't people just be nice to one another? why can't people just let other people live their lives and not feel threatened?" I don't even know how I am going stomach the upcoming election without burying my head in the sand. I want to be informed and know what is going on in the world (the good and the bad), but I also need to protect my heart. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself because it is so helpful to not feel alone.
I truly believe it is both. We have been told this chronic war and disaster and upheaval is normal. IT’S NOT NORMAL. If we become inured to it, that’s a problem. Those of us who are not okay are perhaps the okayest of the bunch because we KNOW that we are not living in a timeline of peace.
I am not afraid to tell you how much this resonates with me. All of it. The back and forth with the self, the need for quiet, the bursting of creative energy at that moment when you have to drop everything so you can capture it and write this incredibly beautiful piece. Wonderful to have found you. You are doing the work you are meant to do. Your essays and words are powerful and inspiring and they will find their way to those who need it.
I so appreciate your support, and your own insights, Dina. I'm very thankful to have connected with you. It helps me feel less alone in these experiences when other women say "Me too". The mental back and forth really can feel exhausting. As if we're not tired enough already!
I hear myself in so much of what you say. Nothing terribly wrong in my life but lots of things feel off in a way that's hard to equate. Thank you for your honesty. You are not alone in this and now I know neither am I.
Yes, so much yes. My moods/energy/creative output are directly related to the seasons. My inner weather matches the actual weather. All animals are naturally like this, we human animals just have learned to override it. Late winter/not yet spring is indeed as Kris said, a liminal state. I always feel a nagging of "okay, hibernation over, wake up and DO" at this time of year and then look outside at the still slumbering landscape and feel reassured that my lack of motivation echoes the natural state of my environment. Some plants are starting to bud and slowly, slowly wake up, but nothing is DOING anything showy yet, it's all very dreamy and unseen. I use this time for beauty seeking & inspiration seeding, devour books, walks, good shows, podcasts, etc.
And yeah, the gratitude and joy mixed with the despair for the world. Same, same.
PS - you just moved. It doesn't matter how happy you were/are about it. Moving is hard, change is hard, establishing new routines (even if you look forward to and love them) is work. I always struggle with re-rooting myself after a move, no matter how much I wanted it. Isn't it considered one of the top causes of situational depression?
The more I think about the more I think it's wild that we have overridden what is so natural for us. Thank you for the reminder that the still slumbering landscape (beautiful description!) is a great guide. Capitalism has convinced us that we're failing if we're not constantly producing but nature tells a different story. Love what you shared about the dreamy and unseen of it all. Yes! And I appreciate your words about re-rooting. This makes so much sense.
Reading this, I was nodding my head so hard it’s a wonder I don’t have whiplash. There’s a word that I have been pondering for the last 7 months of my unemployment: liminal. We’re in the between space. Not enough and yet not nothing. Seeing and hearing and feeling, and yet, what can be done? Talk a walk, take a bath, ponder, wait for the spark. We’re so conditioned to the expectations of DO MORE THINGS ALL THE TIME that being in the liminal space feels wrong and less than.
I, too, am often too comfortable in my own company. But I’m not sure that that’s as much of a problem as we’ve been led to believe.
It’s so hard to unlearn our conditioning, and the change in hormones is the indicator that society is not built for us - seasons and cycles are how life actually works, not constant do do do produce.
Are you depressed? Probably. So am I. Why WOULDN’T we be depressed. Looking around is horrifying at times. And yet, we still find the magic and the gratitude for what is and where we are.
We contain multitudes. What you’ve written seems perfectly normal to me. Hugs from an internet friend!
Liminal. Ahhh, yes. That's it. You're so right about how uncomfortable we are in the between space. We've conditioned ourselves out of what is natural, and necessary. You have articulated the experience beautifully. Thank you, Kris. Truly. Hugs back to you.
February has found me here, too. Thank you for your words.
Thank you for your company as we figure everything (or nothing) out in this strange space.
This is all so relatable and understandable. "I think our hearts are supposed to shatter every now and again because that’s what keeps us human." Yes! I think you are right, Skylar. There is so much to worry about and feel helpless and hopeless about, while there is also so much to feel grateful for and feel joy over. One can only take so much. I had to stop watching a series on Netflix during the middle of the second to last episode because I knew something bad was going to happen and my heart couldn't take it. It's just a fictional show, not real people, but I can't stop thinking about it. I keep asking myself "why can't life just be good? why can't people just be nice to one another? why can't people just let other people live their lives and not feel threatened?" I don't even know how I am going stomach the upcoming election without burying my head in the sand. I want to be informed and know what is going on in the world (the good and the bad), but I also need to protect my heart. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself because it is so helpful to not feel alone.
Thank you for this, Skylar. I too have wrestled with the question "Is this real depression, or am I responding to the darkness in the world?"
I truly believe it is both. We have been told this chronic war and disaster and upheaval is normal. IT’S NOT NORMAL. If we become inured to it, that’s a problem. Those of us who are not okay are perhaps the okayest of the bunch because we KNOW that we are not living in a timeline of peace.
I am not afraid to tell you how much this resonates with me. All of it. The back and forth with the self, the need for quiet, the bursting of creative energy at that moment when you have to drop everything so you can capture it and write this incredibly beautiful piece. Wonderful to have found you. You are doing the work you are meant to do. Your essays and words are powerful and inspiring and they will find their way to those who need it.
I so appreciate your support, and your own insights, Dina. I'm very thankful to have connected with you. It helps me feel less alone in these experiences when other women say "Me too". The mental back and forth really can feel exhausting. As if we're not tired enough already!
I hear myself in so much of what you say. Nothing terribly wrong in my life but lots of things feel off in a way that's hard to equate. Thank you for your honesty. You are not alone in this and now I know neither am I.