My hair was unrecognizable. My curls were limp and flat, lacking volume and unable to hold their shape. I had no idea what was causing the change, but I noticed how much my confidence was impacted.
I had gorgeous thick long hair all of my youth. I dared to even shave it off once. Missed it, grew it back. But after I had my daughter and my menopause kicked in, clumps in the shower. My lady bits too. But what shifted me to truly not caring was both knowing my worth doesn't lay in being seen by you but by me. And the HRT furthered that by me realizing, only my husband's opinion matters and he and I aren't looking but really feeling one another through our days.
Ahhh, I love that. Being seen by ourselves is so validating, especially because we can go deeper and not just skim the surface. We know what's underneath and how worthy we are. I can relate to the "feeling" part in a relationship. It's one of the joys of the layers of loving someone.
Not gonna lie, I chortled at the your sarcasm about the bathroom and Leon being thrilled. 😂
I think the hardest reframe for me has been reconditioning myself to “what’s next” rather than “getting back to.” There’s no going back. It’s physically impossible. So, I have to look at whatever this next iteration is. I was really self conscious of my nose and had a rhinoplasty at 29. It changed my self perception. I had a breast reduction at 49 (back in September) and that made me reassess my body. BUT, the thing I can’t change is my chinneck - my profile is… not great, but it’s my actual anatomy and even with a good lipo, would still be pretty much be the way it is. And I just have to accept it. It’s my neck and it doesn’t impact whether I am worthy or beautiful, because I’m both of those things from the inside out. Do I still obsess over it? Only when I look in the mirror. So my solution is to look in the mirror less. 🤷🏻♀️
Sending you love on your continual journey with your hair. I LOVE the way it looks when you put it in scarves and need a tutorial from you so I can do that, too!
The next iteration. Yes! That's really it in a nutshell. We have to move forward because change is inevitable and trying to "fix" everything is somewhat of a fruitless mission. I do believe there's a difference between addressing things that might make us deeply unhappy or self-conscious (which sounds like your experience) and chasing youth or perfection. There's a lot of peace in acceptance, so I will keep striving for that. I am reviving my YouTube channel after a bit of a break so that might be a good place for a hair scarf tutorial!
I’m lucky about not caring about some appearance things. I had dark, thick, curly hair up until my forties. Then it gradually started to thin and straighten and now I have blonde (dyed) relatively thick but only slightly wavy hair. I honestly never cared about the change and never even really thought about it much. I did try to go gray but I don’t have that beautiful silvery gray. It was very flat and mousy and did definitely impact my confidence. Now I quite like my blonde hair. I do it myself from a box and it comes out great! No more expensive visits to the salon :)
The other thing I never cared about is my small boobs. Lol. And I’m always surprised about the extent to which so many women do care.
The only things that do get me sometimes at 57 are the deep wrinkles and sagging skin. I find myself having to tell myself I’m still beautiful as time goes on. Wink wink 😉
It's so interesting to hear about other women's experiences. There are some things that we really get hung up about, and others we're able to let go of more easily.
I'm impressed that you successfully get your blonde from a box. I made two attempts to do that over the years and both were absolutely dreadful (bright orange) and required expensive corrections at a salon. So I steer clear now!
I think I might also have that flat gray! Whenever mine has come through it tends to make my hair look dirty and dull which is far from the silver fantasy I have for myself! Yes to telling ourselves that we're beautiful. We are, we are ❤️
I very much relate to your hair woes. As a child, I hated my wild curly hair. But by the time I reached my twenties, in the Big Hair Era of the 1980’s, my curls were my pride and joy.
Shortly before I turned 50 (about ten years ago), I had a total hysterectomy for early stage uterine cancer. My hair didn’t fall out but it lost a lot of its curl. I went back and forth between short bobs, which did help the curls spring back to life a bit, and wearing it very long and up in a fluffy Victorian bun. It was tolerable.
Then covid happened. It happened to me twice and wreaked a lot of havoc on various systems—recurring brain fog, perpetual tiredness, major chronic digestive issues. You’d think hair would be the least of my worries, but like you, I found myself most upset at the handfuls of hair coming out in the shower. My hair has never recovered. Today I have a few visible bald spots near the crown, artfully covered with plumping sprays and a dash of Boldify “hair fibers.” And a LOT of scarves and hats.
As Kris suggests, I’m reconditioning myself to banish thoughts of “getting back to” some semi-mythical ideal version of me, and am learning how to go forward and adapt to the new. But I suspect as we age, even more adapting and letting go will be required of us ❤️
Ahhh the 80s! My favorite decade. I love that you came into your own with your curls then. I was still at the brushing out pre-teen phase and sadly missed what could have been an epic era for me!
I'm so sorry to hear of your health issues. Hysterectomies can be such an intense experience and recovery, and of course Covid too. I think we want to have at least some semblance of control when we experience major health shifts or challenges, and so we try to hold on to what we can - weight, appearance, all the things we've been conditioned to believe matter.
Completely agree re adapting as we age, and you articulated that beautifully. Thank you ❤️
I had gorgeous thick long hair all of my youth. I dared to even shave it off once. Missed it, grew it back. But after I had my daughter and my menopause kicked in, clumps in the shower. My lady bits too. But what shifted me to truly not caring was both knowing my worth doesn't lay in being seen by you but by me. And the HRT furthered that by me realizing, only my husband's opinion matters and he and I aren't looking but really feeling one another through our days.
Ahhh, I love that. Being seen by ourselves is so validating, especially because we can go deeper and not just skim the surface. We know what's underneath and how worthy we are. I can relate to the "feeling" part in a relationship. It's one of the joys of the layers of loving someone.
Not gonna lie, I chortled at the your sarcasm about the bathroom and Leon being thrilled. 😂
I think the hardest reframe for me has been reconditioning myself to “what’s next” rather than “getting back to.” There’s no going back. It’s physically impossible. So, I have to look at whatever this next iteration is. I was really self conscious of my nose and had a rhinoplasty at 29. It changed my self perception. I had a breast reduction at 49 (back in September) and that made me reassess my body. BUT, the thing I can’t change is my chinneck - my profile is… not great, but it’s my actual anatomy and even with a good lipo, would still be pretty much be the way it is. And I just have to accept it. It’s my neck and it doesn’t impact whether I am worthy or beautiful, because I’m both of those things from the inside out. Do I still obsess over it? Only when I look in the mirror. So my solution is to look in the mirror less. 🤷🏻♀️
Sending you love on your continual journey with your hair. I LOVE the way it looks when you put it in scarves and need a tutorial from you so I can do that, too!
The next iteration. Yes! That's really it in a nutshell. We have to move forward because change is inevitable and trying to "fix" everything is somewhat of a fruitless mission. I do believe there's a difference between addressing things that might make us deeply unhappy or self-conscious (which sounds like your experience) and chasing youth or perfection. There's a lot of peace in acceptance, so I will keep striving for that. I am reviving my YouTube channel after a bit of a break so that might be a good place for a hair scarf tutorial!
I’m lucky about not caring about some appearance things. I had dark, thick, curly hair up until my forties. Then it gradually started to thin and straighten and now I have blonde (dyed) relatively thick but only slightly wavy hair. I honestly never cared about the change and never even really thought about it much. I did try to go gray but I don’t have that beautiful silvery gray. It was very flat and mousy and did definitely impact my confidence. Now I quite like my blonde hair. I do it myself from a box and it comes out great! No more expensive visits to the salon :)
The other thing I never cared about is my small boobs. Lol. And I’m always surprised about the extent to which so many women do care.
The only things that do get me sometimes at 57 are the deep wrinkles and sagging skin. I find myself having to tell myself I’m still beautiful as time goes on. Wink wink 😉
It's so interesting to hear about other women's experiences. There are some things that we really get hung up about, and others we're able to let go of more easily.
I'm impressed that you successfully get your blonde from a box. I made two attempts to do that over the years and both were absolutely dreadful (bright orange) and required expensive corrections at a salon. So I steer clear now!
I think I might also have that flat gray! Whenever mine has come through it tends to make my hair look dirty and dull which is far from the silver fantasy I have for myself! Yes to telling ourselves that we're beautiful. We are, we are ❤️
Thank you for saying the thing about hair loss, self esteem, and that comebacks are possible!
I'm the comeback queen! At least when it comes to my hair 😊 Thank you for following along.
I very much relate to your hair woes. As a child, I hated my wild curly hair. But by the time I reached my twenties, in the Big Hair Era of the 1980’s, my curls were my pride and joy.
Shortly before I turned 50 (about ten years ago), I had a total hysterectomy for early stage uterine cancer. My hair didn’t fall out but it lost a lot of its curl. I went back and forth between short bobs, which did help the curls spring back to life a bit, and wearing it very long and up in a fluffy Victorian bun. It was tolerable.
Then covid happened. It happened to me twice and wreaked a lot of havoc on various systems—recurring brain fog, perpetual tiredness, major chronic digestive issues. You’d think hair would be the least of my worries, but like you, I found myself most upset at the handfuls of hair coming out in the shower. My hair has never recovered. Today I have a few visible bald spots near the crown, artfully covered with plumping sprays and a dash of Boldify “hair fibers.” And a LOT of scarves and hats.
As Kris suggests, I’m reconditioning myself to banish thoughts of “getting back to” some semi-mythical ideal version of me, and am learning how to go forward and adapt to the new. But I suspect as we age, even more adapting and letting go will be required of us ❤️
Ahhh the 80s! My favorite decade. I love that you came into your own with your curls then. I was still at the brushing out pre-teen phase and sadly missed what could have been an epic era for me!
I'm so sorry to hear of your health issues. Hysterectomies can be such an intense experience and recovery, and of course Covid too. I think we want to have at least some semblance of control when we experience major health shifts or challenges, and so we try to hold on to what we can - weight, appearance, all the things we've been conditioned to believe matter.
Completely agree re adapting as we age, and you articulated that beautifully. Thank you ❤️